The fog has lifted. No more lyrica for me.

I ran out of all of my prescription medications the other day at once.   Suddenly, I was no longer tired, I could think clearly again, and I no longer wanted to die.  


I hate to admit it but I didn't want to live any more, but I couldn't talk about it.  It may have foiled my plans, and besides, I didn't want to talk about any of it.  All that i could so was lie there in bed, wishing to have my old life tback, tortured with constant exhuastion worse than any of the fatigue I have ever felt.  I can't believe that I really would have rather died than lived in the condition I was in.  Now, medication free for two days, and on the outside looking in, it appears as though the medications helped my symptoms but stole bits of my soul with it.  


right now i'm not taking anything.  I'm in horrific pain as I'm never taking the lyrica again.  I don't know where to go or who to turn to whenever the pain is so bad that nothing can fix it without turning me into a total zombie.  I am calling a pain clinic tomorrow.  Looking for one today.


for now with medications, i lie in limbo.  Insane, tired but not horribly exhausted like before, medication free, with countless ms symptoms coming back and worsening.   I am leaping from one hell to the next  and need direction on where to turn.  


I mostly blame the lyrica.  It put me in a cell, a private hell of exhaustion and confusion with the walls caving in and no way out.  That's one hell of a side effect according to my friend, Mike.  I hear lyrica is wonderful for others... different meds affect us all differently I suppose.  


between hells, hopeless yet healing I shall keep you updated .  Thank you for takng the time to read. 

Hopefully I can find the answer.  Have a great day everyone.  

What My Cog Fog and Fatigue are like

Many of my friends with MS also have these symptoms, and I personally, after all that I have been through, hate the cog fog and fatigue the most.   


The fatigue feels like a prison, and keeps me in bed and from doing things.  It brings down my spirits and makes me feel hopeless and trapped.  I don't wish it on anyone, and have been doing everything that I can in my power to fight it, including eating barely anything but miso soup for nearly two weeks.  My most recent attempt is my vitamin b-12 patches from my previous post.  So far, those seem to be helping greatly. 


For me the cog fog, or cognitive problems associated with ms come and go, and usually are accompanied by fatigue.  When I have "cog fog", things that people tell me don't sink into my brain, and I feel like a living zombie. I make several mistakes, and can barely think to accomplish anything properly.  I have trouble reading most of all, and understanding things that people say to me online when I get this way.  It seems to be clearing up now, but has been pretty bad for nearly a month.  


My heart goes out to all others with these symptoms, as I know first hand how annoying they can be.  I will hopefully be able to do well on the b-12.  feeling hopeful.  

Flairing up?

Today I woke up with a numb right leg.  I'm not sure if I'm flairing up for sure or not yet, because the symptoms are supposed to last 48 hours before it's considered a flair.  I've also been vomiting today, which is often a problem for me when my MS acts up.  A little klonipin fixes that part up fortunately.  I promised myself that I would keep this blog updated no matter how I feel, so todays entry will be short.  

My brain feels all foggy, and I'm having dizzy spells, so it's hard to think to come up with a good topic.  I think I'm just going to post one of my photographs and do a much better update tomorrow.  

Life isn't so bad after all.

I'm trying to decide which direction to take this blog next.  I have so much to say, and so much to show, and I'm not even on the present yet.  I'm wishing that I'd have started this blog much earlier, but for some reason, I just couldn't do it.  I was in a horrible state of some sort of depression mixed with what is referred to as "cog fog".  It was terrible.  I could barely understand what was being said to me.

Recently, what I would call a miracle happened.  A friend of mine whom I had met on a chat a couple of years ago, after my diagnosis started a MS support group on facebook.  Somehow that group lifted my depression, and gave me something to smile about.  It had been over a year since I had actually smiled.  It felt wonderful. 

 Earlier I was complaining about what friends I don't have, but in doing so forgot to appreciate the wonderful friends that I do have.  I also joined a new chat room full of wonderful people who have welcomed me with open arms.  They are all amazing.  

My lesson that I learned today: not to dwell on the negative, because in doing so, I miss the positive. 

I don't think I have any ms related photos to share, but I love blogs with photos, so here is one that I took a couple of years ago.