Many of my friends with MS also have these symptoms, and I personally, after all that I have been through, hate the cog fog and fatigue the most.
The fatigue feels like a prison, and keeps me in bed and from doing things. It brings down my spirits and makes me feel hopeless and trapped. I don't wish it on anyone, and have been doing everything that I can in my power to fight it, including eating barely anything but miso soup for nearly two weeks. My most recent attempt is my vitamin b-12 patches from my previous post. So far, those seem to be helping greatly.
For me the cog fog, or cognitive problems associated with ms come and go, and usually are accompanied by fatigue. When I have "cog fog", things that people tell me don't sink into my brain, and I feel like a living zombie. I make several mistakes, and can barely think to accomplish anything properly. I have trouble reading most of all, and understanding things that people say to me online when I get this way. It seems to be clearing up now, but has been pretty bad for nearly a month.
My heart goes out to all others with these symptoms, as I know first hand how annoying they can be. I will hopefully be able to do well on the b-12. feeling hopeful.
Today, something odd happened, hence the title. I began this morning by zoning out more than usual. I couldn't manage to stay focused on anything, and I felt very dizzy. I was stumbling everywhere, so I decided to lay down and take a nap. Usually a nap always helps me feel better.
Well, taking a nap wasn't easy, because in the beginning, my youngest ferret, Boogie was attacking my head, and when he was finished, and I finally could relax, it felt as if the bed was spinning, and I was sinking into the mattress. I feel as though I passed out finally, into a dead sleep.
I woke up an hour later, fully refreshed, but when I began to walk, I noticed something odd. My legs wouldn't move properly. They work the same as they did before, but it's as if my brain has forgotten how to command my legs to walk. I am now taking small, shaky steps. I hope this passes soon. It has me feeling a bit worried.
This is just a random picture that I took this past year.
For those who are still able to work, that must sound luxurious.
For me, it's become a sort of meloncholy hazy hamster cage-like hell.
I think it's just the repetition of days, turning into weeks of the same routine in the same house. I do things to keep myself busy such as artwork and photography. It helps me to stay active, and the internet has been a key component of keeping me at least half sane. I love people, but hate leaving my house. I have talked to other m.s. patients who feel the same way. It's hard to describe how I feel.
I try to go out and the panic sets in. The lights in stores are bright and hurt my eyes. I usually end up with a headache, and people look at me funny if I wear sunglasses indoors. I've tried it believe it or not. They look at me funny with my cane anyway, so I'm use to getting stares. That part doesn't bother me. It's how my body feels that starts getting the best of me. My legs get heavy, as if my shoes are increasing in weight little by little as I walk. It gets difficult to breathe and my lungs get tingly. My head feels like a bowling ball on my neck. I don't mean to complain. I'm just explaining what it's like, because the hard part is going out and being able to enjoy myself when I feel that way. It's just easier to stay at home and not feel so bad.
Perhaps a little symptom control will give me some of my life back. I'm not sure what can be done about that heavy feeling in my legs. After about 50 ft of walking, my muscles tense up and ache, and my legs collapse. It makes going to the mall difficult. A wheelchair does help a great deal, and allows me to enjoy shopping so much more. I just try not to use one for as long as I am able to walk at all. Sometimes I have no choice, especially at large department stores, malls, and wal mart.
I do crave going out once in awhile, but what use to be a minor trip now feels like a big day out to me. I have three ferrets already but maybe I need more pets. Hmm.
The photo is a picture that I took of my own feet back in the year 2000. It is part of a series on my facebook called walking in my shoes.
