I ran out of all of my prescription medications the other day at once. Suddenly, I was no longer tired, I could think clearly again, and I no longer wanted to die.
I hate to admit it but I didn't want to live any more, but I couldn't talk about it. It may have foiled my plans, and besides, I didn't want to talk about any of it. All that i could so was lie there in bed, wishing to have my old life tback, tortured with constant exhuastion worse than any of the fatigue I have ever felt. I can't believe that I really would have rather died than lived in the condition I was in. Now, medication free for two days, and on the outside looking in, it appears as though the medications helped my symptoms but stole bits of my soul with it.
right now i'm not taking anything. I'm in horrific pain as I'm never taking the lyrica again. I don't know where to go or who to turn to whenever the pain is so bad that nothing can fix it without turning me into a total zombie. I am calling a pain clinic tomorrow. Looking for one today.
for now with medications, i lie in limbo. Insane, tired but not horribly exhausted like before, medication free, with countless ms symptoms coming back and worsening. I am leaping from one hell to the next and need direction on where to turn.
I mostly blame the lyrica. It put me in a cell, a private hell of exhaustion and confusion with the walls caving in and no way out. That's one hell of a side effect according to my friend, Mike. I hear lyrica is wonderful for others... different meds affect us all differently I suppose.
between hells, hopeless yet healing I shall keep you updated . Thank you for takng the time to read.
Hopefully I can find the answer. Have a great day everyone.
Many of my friends with MS also have these symptoms, and I personally, after all that I have been through, hate the cog fog and fatigue the most.
The fatigue feels like a prison, and keeps me in bed and from doing things. It brings down my spirits and makes me feel hopeless and trapped. I don't wish it on anyone, and have been doing everything that I can in my power to fight it, including eating barely anything but miso soup for nearly two weeks. My most recent attempt is my vitamin b-12 patches from my previous post. So far, those seem to be helping greatly.
For me the cog fog, or cognitive problems associated with ms come and go, and usually are accompanied by fatigue. When I have "cog fog", things that people tell me don't sink into my brain, and I feel like a living zombie. I make several mistakes, and can barely think to accomplish anything properly. I have trouble reading most of all, and understanding things that people say to me online when I get this way. It seems to be clearing up now, but has been pretty bad for nearly a month.
My heart goes out to all others with these symptoms, as I know first hand how annoying they can be. I will hopefully be able to do well on the b-12. feeling hopeful.
I haven't been online very much lately, because I have a horrible case of fatigue. When it hits, all systems shut down so to speak. For the past several days, I've been sleeping all but three hours.
So, I ordered these Vitamin B 12 patches offline. They are about the size of a dime, and can be worn behind the ear. I think I'm feeling better already, but too soon to tell. I'll keep my blog updated on the results. I really have my fingers crossed, because today, I've been awake far more, and seem way more alert.
Click here to visit the link to where I ordered the patches from.
Today, something odd happened, hence the title. I began this morning by zoning out more than usual. I couldn't manage to stay focused on anything, and I felt very dizzy. I was stumbling everywhere, so I decided to lay down and take a nap. Usually a nap always helps me feel better.
Well, taking a nap wasn't easy, because in the beginning, my youngest ferret, Boogie was attacking my head, and when he was finished, and I finally could relax, it felt as if the bed was spinning, and I was sinking into the mattress. I feel as though I passed out finally, into a dead sleep.
I woke up an hour later, fully refreshed, but when I began to walk, I noticed something odd. My legs wouldn't move properly. They work the same as they did before, but it's as if my brain has forgotten how to command my legs to walk. I am now taking small, shaky steps. I hope this passes soon. It has me feeling a bit worried.
This is just a random picture that I took this past year.
Today, as a project to promote handicapped awareness, I thought I would share my collection of bad handicapped accessable ramps from around the world. I can't believe people are actually supposed to use these. It just makes me wonder what the people who designed these were thinking.
I took this picture with my cellphone today of my tree. I thought it looked sort of like a greeting card.
Today was my last day of steroids following a flair that hit me over the Christmas holiday. It began with numbness in my left leg and tiredness, and progressed to having no use of my left leg at all, and my hands have gone numb.
So far, the steroids haven't helped many of the symptoms, other than the fatigue, which they did wonders for. I hear it takes some time for them to work, so I'm just waiting patiently to see what happens next. Hopefully good things.
Today was Christmas day, and I got some wonderful gifts. One of my favourites was this frog prince egg box.
I also got some new pandora beads for my bracelet. I love beads, and these mean a great deal to me because they came from some amazing people who I consider family.
I had a great day and when I was done opening my gifts and eating dinner, I got to visit my 104 year old grandad. He is an amazing man, who builds clocks and musical instruments. He plays several musical instruments, and did a small show for us all on his violin this year. Being near him has always made me happy, and seeing him makes me smile. He is so wise, and kind. I am not sure I will ever meet another person like him. He has taught me so much.
This is how my grandad had his house decorated.
Here he is fixing, and then playing a violin. It was go good to hear him play again. I hadn't heard his violin in years as he's been playing the banjo more lately.
I had a wonderful time. The holidays have always been magic at his house. He never seems to age. He's been the same since I was a baby.
I got really sick while I was there tonight. I tried to hide it. My leg has been going numb for two days, and the room began spinning while I was there. I lost sight for awhile in my left eye, but it returned. I hadn't been feeling too well all weekend, but wasn't missing christmas at my grandad's for anything. I didn't care if I had to be taken in on a streacher. Fortunately I made it through the night with only a few minor tears of pain. The joy far outweighed the pain, and I had a fabulous evening.
Merry Christmas Everyone
