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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The fog has lifted. No more lyrica for me.

I ran out of all of my prescription medications the other day at once.   Suddenly, I was no longer tired, I could think clearly again, and I no longer wanted to die.  

I hate to admit it but I didn't want to live any more, but I couldn't talk about it.  It may have foiled my plans, and besides, I didn't want to talk about any of it.  All that i could so was lie there in bed, wishing to have my old life tback, tortured with constant exhuastion worse than any of the fatigue I have ever felt.  I can't believe that I really would have rather died than lived in the condition I was in.  Now, medication free for two days, and on the outside looking in, it appears as though the medications helped my symptoms but stole bits of my soul with it.  

right now i'm not taking anything.  I'm in horrific pain as I'm never taking the lyrica again.  I don't know where to go or who to turn to whenever the pain is so bad that nothing can fix it without turning me into a total zombie.  I am calling a pain clinic tomorrow.  Looking for one today.

for now with medications, i lie in limbo.  Insane, tired but not horribly exhausted like before, medication free, with countless ms symptoms coming back and worsening.   I am leaping from one hell to the next  and need direction on where to turn.  

I mostly blame the lyrica.  It put me in a cell, a private hell of exhaustion and confusion with the walls caving in and no way out.  That's one hell of a side effect according to my friend, Mike.  I hear lyrica is wonderful for others... different meds affect us all differently I suppose.  

between hells, hopeless yet healing I shall keep you updated .  Thank you for takng the time to read. 

Hopefully I can find the answer.  Have a great day everyone.