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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Home from a week in the clinic, no more narcotics

I'm finally off my narcotic pain medications, which I've been taking pretty constantly since about 2000.  My doses had gotten rather high, which made the drugs dangerous to my liver, not to mention my overall well being.  

Unfortunately, the only option for pain that I was given at all during my stay was lyrica  (which I hate) and tylenol.  I'm on a much lower dose of lyrica than previously which helps, and the tylenol takes the edge off, but I must say that my pain is still not controlled, but tolerable so I can learn to deal with that.  

I entered the clinic last week with pneumonia, so I had breathing treatments, oxygen etc my first three days there.   My medications were switched around, and oddly, since then my fatigue is much, much improved.  I'm also not staying in bed all day anymore.  

One of the issues addressed while I was there was something that I've been battling for years and that is my depression.   It's a sensitive subject for me because I guess my family doesn't get depressed or anything.  None of them ever show it or talk about such things.  In my family, I'm the crazy one.  I've never been able to make eye contact.  I've never acted like other people.  I was never what they call normal at all. When I was 22 I had to seek help for the depression, because I had held it in for so long that it manifested as anorexia.  
I hear that depression is common with ms.  I sometimes wonder if it perhaps was an early symptom.  Having it looked at, and some medications adjusted has really helped me cope with the hand I was dealt in life.  

It's my second day home, and I'm feeling poorly adjusted, but being hopeful.  The clinic was a very safe, and controlled enviornment. I didn't have to worry about messing up, or not having support, or being emotionally abused, which is common for me here.  I am cared about here, and loved, but, the negativity is difficult to ignore.  I just have to remember that the life is always beautiful, no matter how I feel, and all that I have to do is find the beauty, even if it is just the small things. I also have to remember that I am in control of how I feel, and other people can't "make" miserable. I often just choose to be misrable because of the negativity around me. I am trying to change that.  

I woke up around 7 a.m. because that was the time the clinic woke me up for vitals and meds.  Had my breakfast and coffee at 8 just like in the clinic.  The only difference was, this coffee had caffine. Wonder if a little caffine means i'm already slipping up?  Hmmm. 

I also had a little bit of a flare while I was there.  They think it had started a bit before entering the clinic.  Now using a walker and starting physical therapy as soon as I can get transportation sorted out.  Also going to outpatient therapy for the meds..just waiting to get in and once again, sorting out transport.